The coronavirus pandemic has not affected my life much in the past week. My mother was placed under hospice care Friday, February 26, so I took vacation and drove 500+ miles to be with her Sunday, February 28. Sunday night, I stayed with my son and daughter-in-law. Monday, I drove to the facility where Mom lived. Mom was unresponsive, but occasionally opened her eyes when I touched her and spoke to her over the next four days. I barely slept on my brother’s couch that was too short as thoughts swam around in my head at night. I went to my parents’ home Tuesday afternoon and bagged up the rest of the stuff left on shelves and in drawers. I did this to feel useful instead of just sitting with Mom as she slept. Wednesday, my sister-in-law and I threw a lot of Mom’s stuff away, donated items to the activity director for game prizes, and gave her clothes to a housekeeper. I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. That night, I met a friend for dinner at a local restaurant. My friend remarked that nobody was wearing a mask and the place was crowded. Thursday, I sat with Mom. From the first day, I noticed when Mom opened her eyes, they were gray. Mom had brown eyes. Since she was unresponsive, I spent time working remotely while sitting with her. I planned on leaving Friday morning and got the call around 6:30 that she was close to passing. My brother and I sat with Mom until she died. The whole process of her dying was very peaceful. She was sleeping from the first day I was with her until she passed away. I am glad that she went in the manner most of us want to go… in our sleep. I got into my car to leave and watched Canadian geese land on the roof of the facility where Mom was. Seeing them sitting on the rooftop gave me comfort with the thought that Mom had left the building and was free to fly away from the misery of this Earth.
March 14, 2021
this week has been dominated by anxiety. Frankly, I am anxious about re-opening. On the professional front, as the CEO of a mid sized non profit I am anxious about what to do about bringing people back into the office over the next 9 months or so, and uncertain about how to get it right. I'm anxious about the ongoing work load associated with the additional burden of the pandemic. On the personal front, I don't really feel like engaging full on, from being a little foot dragging about any potential travel, to hesitating to be seen outside without a mask even though I am fully vaccinated. I feel like masks have been a sign of solidarity for so long that I am reluctant to have anyone think I"m not one of the good guys. But also I really, really like breathing fresh air. So I will have to sort it out. I wake up more often lately fretting about work. Usually I am pretty good about separating myself and getting down time, but not so much lately.
April 30, 2021