I wanted to capture the hollow, tunnel-like feeling that we sometimes may feel during this time. Down the rabbit-hole like Alice in Wonderland - except the rabbit-hole never ends. You are caught in-limbo, tumbling through the different scenarios, but never land firmly into any of them. Its also the void, the darkness in the distant getting closer.
July 8, 2020
This past week has been rough. I have 2 favorite uncles. One died on Saturday after a long, horrible battle with dementia and the other had an emergency tumorectomy on Sunday. They are both in another state. I hate not being home. The uncle who died is an uncle by way of marriage to my favorite aunt on that side of the family. I want to be there to hug her, sit with her, cook for her. I hate it. I will miss his funeral, memorial and burial because I'm not willing to risk COVID exposure to go to Texas. This is so awful. As more people get vaccinated, there is this big push to just go back to normal. It makes me nervous because I'm still in survival mode. I need to include issues with reopening in my therapy sessions I guess. I have...what do you call it when you're still being traumatized? Not PTSD - TSD? Ugh.
May 12, 2021