Okay, technically this picture isn't from this week. This was from a worksheet I completed when I was ~6. I wasn't really cocky or a showboat when I was younger. I was the best backstroker in the north east and the second best butterflyer in the country, but I never thought I was actually good until after I quit. I don't really know where that confidence went, that confidence I had when I wrote this. When it seemed things just made sense. I'm not sure why I've been thinking about that so much. Maybe it's the upcoming election, or the recently confirmed supreme court justice (neither of which I've allowed myself to think about for too long or I think I'll implode). Maybe it's being away from my family, and being really on my own for the first time. I feel like now nothing is easy. Maintaining relationships isn't easy. I've always been bad at maintaining relationships, staying in contact, but I'm trying to make more of an effort to do so now. I've reached out to my favorite yoga teacher, and am practicing with her (over zoom) tonight. I've reached out to people I've had fallings out with (although they're not really willing to talk since we don't have the same interests anymore). I'm trying to put in the effort so that things become easy, second nature. Being happy or optimistic isn't easy, so I'm trying. Hopefully it will become easy again.
October 28, 2020
I normally study medicine in Germany. Now I am locked down in Greece, in Athens with my parents. Theoretically I could go back to Germany, but there is no point since all my classes are online and mostly power points, plus I have sublet my room in Germany hoping I would go for an erasmus (I had everything ready until they locked down Prague). I don't leave the house. Every day is the same. I can't see my friends even though I miss them a lot since I am mostly away and now that I got the chance to come to Greece, we are locked in our houses unable to see each other. I can't even go for a walk alone to the center, which I love so much and I miss Athens so much. You see, I was not lucky enoigh to live close enough to the center and now I am not allowed to leave my house in a distance of a few blocks.
January 2, 2021