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Does this time of the year feel different than it normally does, or different than it should? If so, give some examples of what feels different.
Tests are rationed in drugstores. Today in Boston: 4 per customer at Walgreens, 6 per customer at CVS. My brother-in-law wanted as many as possible, so yesterday my sister and I ended up in a bunch of different stores, and she bought 18 packages -- 36 tests -- in total. At $25/package, that's a pretty penny. I didn't say anything (though I did buy her an initial set of four to match her first 4 in the first store), but it felt pretty awful to me to be buying so many when there's such a serious shortage. Today the shipments seem to have just come in, but for days people all over Boston apparently were scrambling and home tests were completely unavailable. Meanwhile, people waited in long lines for equally hard-to-obtain PCR tests. My bro-in-law's justification is crap. Said something about someone last spring who'd said "it's everyone for themselves" upon scrambling to jump the queue to get vaccinated -- but of course he's doing exactly the same thing by getting all these tests.
December 27, 2021
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Has the pandemic affected your religious or spiritual observance in any way? If so, talk about it.
I don't think it was a conscious idea, but I stopped praying. When I had to go out of the house, I would pray every morning, sometimes also in the afternoon. I went to shul every Shabbat. Now it is rare that I will pray. I don't want to get dressed. Or I don't really feel like talking to God or mumbling the words. I don't know if or why it is important. A few weeks ago when my husband and I heard davening in our backyard, we quickly got dressed and went to the outdoor shul. I was excited to see what it was going to be like. I was hoping for some excitement or feeling of awe for the first time in months being part of a community or hearing the Torah read. And all I felt, in the end, was a desire to run away, and that I was stuck. It struck me last week when i was sitting in my garden, in shorts and a tank top, reading a novel, while I overheard the Torah reading. I had no desire to run to get dressed or even enter that space again. The rituals I still do are go to the mikvah. Which I question more now, of what is this water really doing. Is it worth all the planning and arranging that I need to do so I can go? Shabbat, which I appreciate as the one day that I don't have to focus on my computer. Although at times I want to have interactions with people other than my husband. But overall it is nice to have a day where I don't feel bad about sitting in the sun and reading. I am curious as to how Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur will feel this year. Not sure if I will go to shul or if there will be shul. I am also a rabbi --- so I am not sure how I will be able to [be] present or helpful to others who are also feeling a lack of connection. I am not sure if it is a loss of faith or perhaps just a loss of desire for strict rituals.
August 7, 2020