This was a booklet in the Hospice room of my best friend for 50 years. I watched her as she died for 4 days. It was traumatic for me and I was told I had to leave the building on one occasion because, due to COVID, only 4 visitors per patient were allowed. The other 4 all knew each other from Florida so I volunteered to leave the room, but the Hospice people made me go out into the cold. I went out to my car because it was cold and I was not prepared to go outside when told I had to leave immediately. I cried in the car, then drove away for a while. I was already hurting because my friend was dying, but this unecessarily harsh rote adherence to a rule hurt my feelings. I watched the stages of dying alone except for the nurses.
December 6, 2021
Yesterday, a shooting ... happened where 8 people died, the majority of which were Asian women. I feel numb, if I'm being honest. I feel numb to mass shootings, I feel numb to violence. I think I've also realized that self-suppression is so real. Even though I'm Asian American, I find myself thinking "try not to make noise, people don't think this is a big deal". That's the problem though - people don't think the Asian-American discrimination and violence is a big deal. I should be making noise, we should be being loud and asking why our issues have not been prioritized and why there is rarely any news coverage on it as well. I'm tired and sad and wanting safety for my community.
March 19, 2021