This week has me feeling a bit like I’ve fallen down a rabbit’s hole. Politics aside, the mixed messages on COVID are other worldly. More people seem to be out and about. There’s more traffic on the road, more cars in parking lots outside of restaurants and stores. More invites from friends to get together, with social distancing of course. Yet cases are on the rise, and The Presidents gets it which proves no one is immune. Then he gets an experimental cocktail and seems to indicate this is a cure and we should not be afraid. I guess he thinks it’s all over and It’s no big deal. Yet the cocktail contains stem cells, which will be interesting to see how that plays out with Pro-lifers who clearly will have to abstain right? And it’s experimental so not available to us. And the cost was tens of thousands, and we don’t know that he’s out of the woods yet. And contrast that with the video of the sobbing nurse who is furious at his indifference in social distancing because she has done chest compressions on hundreds of patients and knows this is not a joke for anyone else. Occasionally I pop on to one of the talk radio stations and am always amazed at the lies and vitriol that is allowed, and encouraged there. Having isolated and been so careful for so long to see the leader of our country speak and act with such indifference is another example of the parallel lives In other worlds some of my fellow Americans seem to be living in. Move over Peter, I guess I may be here awhile.
October 11, 2020
At first the pandemic was exciting. Everyone was talking about it, and things felt tense at work since we didn't know what was happening. The transition to working remotely happened essentially overnight, and all I remember from the time period right after is an intense period of activity as I transitioned myself to this new format. I think I channeled some of my anxiety into work and focused it in being as productive as possible. The amount I did was insane! Yet at the same time, I started feeling burnt out, and I realized that I needed to take a step back and consider my mental health. I was exhausted those first few weeks. I also felt some anxiety about whether I would be laid off from my job, but luckily the market turbulence works in our favor. I was really nervous about that for a few days, plus worry about how the virus would impact my health and that of my friends and family. There were so many unknowns that it made me anxious, but as we learn more about the virus and effective prevention, I feel more comfortable going outside or going to the grocery store. The uncertainty more than anything bothered me. There was a time in May and June when the quarantine doldrums really hit. I think I was bothered by some things going on at work as well, and felt incredibly demotivated and anxious about the amount of work I had. I think the anxiety kept me from doing work! I didn't want to do anything, and I felt that my work didn't matter. Every day started feeling the same, like I was in my own version of Groundhog Day. That's when I started noticing how despite all the days feeling the same... time passed by very quickly. I blinked on Monday and it was suddenly Friday. I think the monotony is the challenge now. I'm craving any sort of change from my usual work and my apartment. Going to my parent's was the right call, as is starting a new exercise program. It's really helping me push through the boredom and same-ness. Traveling to visit my boyfriend will also help a lot, as awful as the drive out will be. I feel confident that I will be able to find ways to change up my life now, whereas before it was this waiting pattern until my boyfriend left for med school and staying in the city together. Now I have some serious change coming my way, and it's helping me differentiate days and create excitement and actual things to look forward to again. Who knows what problems I will face in a month? For now, I feel like the monotony will slowly fade away.
August 6, 2020