12/20/20 Saw this sign at the local liquor store in our neighborhood today. We had just run into Dunkin’ Donuts to pick up a couple of pounds of coffee beans, and One of the people behind the counter had her mask below her nose. Then, some guy walked in without a mask. I was there with my kid, whom I sent out of the store to wait for me while I paid. Then I saw this sign in another store just a few doors down. I know it’s easy to say, but FFS what is wrong with people That they won’t wear a mask, or will actually go to the trouble, and then not wear it properly? I feel like for Those of us who’ve gotten accustomed to, it’s just second nature now – and not wearing one evokes the sensation of those dreams where you show up at school and suddenly realized you forgot to put your pants on or something like that. With kids too, it’s like they’ve learned it in their flesh. They immediately notice when other people aren’t complying, and they certainly have opinions about it too.
December 21, 2020
Last week, COVID beat me down. Despite the (fleeting) joy of being fully vaccinated for over a month, the never-ending monotony, the frustration with those around me disregarding social distancing protocols and masking, and the aggravation I was feeling towards everyone being "over" COVID was a perfect combination to render me incapable of doing much of anything. For multiple days, I wasn't able to attend to my work, school, or internship duties. I was a puddle - an emotional wreck. Only instead of the full spectrum of emotions, I was stuck somewhere between "hollowed out", "mind-numbingly sad", and "furious" at all times. Instead of leaning into one of the most intense and painful depressive episodes I've ever experienced, I forced myself to move, to do things, to socializing, to exercise, or just to read a book outdoors in the sun. There's a lot of research about how impactful "doing" can be during a period of depression - how the momentum helps to "unstick" individuals who are feeling glued in a dark, hollow, sad place. Even as an aspiring therapist in a MSW program, I scoffed at the notions. Who, me? Do things to feel better when all I want to do is cry on the sofa and sleep all day? Lo and behold, it worked. Not all at once. But little by little, I could feel the full spectrum of emotions seeping back in. During a RuPaul's Drag Race themed Peloton ride, I felt a little joy and laughter. During a bubble bath, I focused on the bodily sensations I was experiencing. There was comfort, again. Over the weekend, my partner and I took our new kayak out for its maiden voyage. I was hesitant, but the giddiness came back. This never-ending pandemic isn't over, but maybe the worst is. Or maybe our resiliency as human beings will just never cease to kick in when it's most needed.
May 4, 2021