Quite honestly, COVID-19 has moved to my mental back burner. With all that is happening locally and globally–easing restrictions on campus, a national decline in cases, large-scale crises like Putin’s invasion of Ukraine– hearing the word “covid” has started to leave me with an apathetic expression. Although I have heard utterances of another simmering variant, it seems like a given at this point–covid will continue to wax and wane, cases will drop and spike, and we will all just have to carry on and adapt as we have been the past two years. Ironically, I am sick right now with some other virus; you forget that other viruses besides COVID-19 still exist. Even more ironically, I fully departed from wearing masks indoors this past week, which may explain my newfound sickness. Do I blame the sudden absence of indoor mask regulations or plain bad luck? Part of me wants to retreat back to mask wearing as I sit here with a burning sore throat, but I have to keep reminding my hypochondriac self that masks are not the norm and not a safety blanket, either. Additionally, spending the end of my spring break in bed has been a major let-down, especially with warmer temperatures and sunnier skies, but I am trying to remain grateful for suffering at home in my bed instead of a noisy dorm with a roommate I do not want to get sick. I also did have the chance to get outside (and inside, apparently around floating viruses) pre-illness and managed to take some photos of one of my favorite spots from home: the Lake Michigan beachfront. I am immensely looking forward to more time at the beach in the near future, to recovering from this virus, and to the final stretch of a semester that seems to be rising out of covid’s ashes.
March 22, 2022
This past week I was back on service. This was the second week on service in a three week stretch - on/off/on. Three weeks ago, my service was predominantly psych cases - I felt I was being asked to practice psychiatry, which is not my specialty nor a specific interest. This burned me out. I spent the week in between with belly pain - ultimately diagnosed with an ovarian cyst but I do believe much of the worsening of the pain was due to stress. Then back to the hospital - this time long hours caring for patients who may never leave the hospital. I miss the sense of accomplishment with which I used to leave my job. It feels like I'm living in a hamster wheel - trying my best to keep up but just running in a circle. And missing that connection and sense of accomplishment from my work.
July 6, 2020