I'm an older Asian-American female so you'd think I would feel trepidation about walking around lately, given all the publicity about violence against older Asian-American females. But though I live in New Mexico, a state which has the worst property and violent crime rate in the country according to some measures, I don't feel any more threatened than usual. When we started to hear that wearing face masks could prevent transmitting Covid-19, I resisted at first. I felt like I stood out because I was used to thinking of face masks as an urban Japanese thing. Now that wearing face masks is de rigueur, I feel like wearing a face mask makes me slightly anonymous. Which is laughable, because several times now I've run into friends in stores who have no problem recognizing me with a mask on! Early on in the pandemic, my mom, aunt, and cousin all sent me face masks they sewed themselves. Each piece of fabric has a story attached, and when I wear them I feel protected and loved. Being an older Asian-American woman is splendid! More positives than negatives. 10/10 would do it again.
April 18, 2021
Realm Of Emotions I (sometimes) hope that you don’t read what I write, All of the words I think I fail to tell you in person But can somehow manage to write on the paper That has now become a screen of bright light always challenging Me to write more and continue forward as the beacon of Emotions a realm of its own for me to feel less shame And guilt for having anger, pain and sadness. For we live in a world where we thrive off of shadow’s pain As a drug to survive and stay illicitly positive Even though are not… The words are just lines articulated and speculated at in a way that Makes sense to people. Language can be written, learned from seen in the vibrations of sound A curvy wave of a line that dances to melody of spoken word Sung out in a way that can be unrecognizable and yet desired To have more music making more memories masquerading That art is a form of line that can be interpreted by the body Creating shapes like letters similar to the wind blows the leaves In a circle cascading leaves in a mini tornado We read the lines, deep in them with meanings that aren't written But felt; a soul wave of connection empathetically taking over me I can’t stop creating new ways to think and feel Because it’s all already been said or done before but rather Interpreted differently, As though my life is a remake of scattered clips n collections of Thousands of lives before me making me my own version My own line that I can drug myself into Intoxicated with the realm of emotions Felt day in and day out. Fueled by emotions and a minimal amount of coffee i take off Into the transparent screen of bright colors illuminating my mind Into a world of that feeds my imaginations creativity surpassing it at times To have bursts of information continuing to digest in my mind As the art forms take me on an emotional rollercoaster of cinema That helps me to learn, relax and live life inside of the black rectangle. I can log in everyday to my life and I don’t have to see people as much anymore My life is now contingent upon the waves of emotions i feel, spurts of energy that I used to be able to hold onto longer but now I struggle to maintain face and composure. I edit some of the raw parts of myself out, suturing sewing seams into myself to make the scars within me look a bit more presentable Nowadays that’s the popular thing to do, clean up the scars and present yourself to the world. It will get harder not easier but in time we can all sip lemonade and feel less scared about ourselves and the rest of the world.
November 5, 2020