I felt very alone this week. Some of it was the anniversary of my mother’s passing, some the disgust at the nonsense on the political scene, and some the anticipated let down of the coming Holiday seasons (which will be more nonevents and missed family and friends gatherings) .. these all seemed to push my Pandemic switch from acceptance of this “new normal”, past Covid fatigue to Covid retreat. I spent one whole day surfing YouTube videos...all very educational as I demanded that of myself...no cute kittens and puppies, or compilations of fails as I did not want any more wallowing in failures or fluff...but how many flourless cake recipes, Tahitian dance competitions, how to trim cow hooves, or say yes to the dress silly bride episodes can one take. Next day I had to get out of the house, apparently with everyone else experiencing the same thing, and I found myself in a crowded store stocking up wishing I wasn’t there and wondering why I was?
November 18, 2020
We actually upped the number of days we subscribe to print news because I am clinging to the news as a place for information that is reliable and factual. We actually get two papers -- the local and the New York Times -- and I toggle between them for local and national/global stories. I also really appreciate our governor (Inslee in WA) and trust him because he is listening to experts and scientists. My friends are all over the gamut and feel less objective to me. A lot of what I am experiencing from them (and in my own life too) is so situation dependent, and so I am trying to stay above what they are saying/doing and stick with the higher level recommendations from the state and city officials. So, for example, we cancelled a trip to CA for Thanksgiving because WA, OR and CA issued travel advisories, but we have a (masked, gloved) cleaning person who comes twice a month (and we always wear masks when she is there, or just leave so she can be alone), which is allowed according to the state recommendations. My mom watches a ton of CNN and she makes me crazy with all of her secondhand news reports. Everything is a crisis. She teases me that I don't watch TV and therefore don't know how bad it is but I have always preferred newspapers because the news is vetted and the ink has been allowed to dry so it tends to be less sensational. It also reminds me that there is more out there than just COVID and I can digest it at my own pace (sometimes the Sunday paper takes me a week). I am so grateful Biden won the election and hope that he is able to thread the needle between keeping the economy open and people healthy, and between the people who trust science and the people who don't seem to. I think having an adult in charge who seems to really want the best for all people is a good place to start and I think I will trust what his administration says about what to do. One last thing -- when I think about trust, I also think about the vaccines that are being tested, and my trust level on that is low, not because they started under the previous administration but because they were rushed, and that makes me very nervous. I have read articles in which doctors say they will be first in line and others where nurses say they aren't running to get a vaccine until more testing has been done. So on that I am a little relieved I am in the last category of eligible people to receive a vaccine so I can delay the decision. I vaccinate for everything else, but this feels different.
November 25, 2020