Absolutely gorgeous flowers. Gorgeous. Given COVID, we're not having a service, and it's winter and I certainly don't want to even go get a drink inside, much less have dinner with a friend. So I guess there's nothing else to do but for people to send flowers. The house has become a funeral parlor of flower arrangements. And, I have to say, having a "send flowers" mentality myself, it's made me rethink what to do for people who are grieving. While the flowers are beautiful, and thoughtful and truly mean a lot to receive, after the 8th arrangement arrived, I almost cried because I couldn't take it any more. I was internally screaming "please stop," then kicking myself for being irritated instead of thankful that I have people who love me and want to send their condolences. I wasn't sure at first if it was the amount, and not having any more space for them, as they kept coming, particularly because the house's free spaces were occupied by Christmas decorations. But then I realized what was getting me down.Having flowers is something I actually LOVE, and it's the reason I've transformed are yard into vast perennial and annual cutting gardens. But in my grief (and clearly off the charts irritability) they represented something else I had to nurture, another reason I couldn't just let things go and grieve. I was in the middle of selling my other house, loads of details, I am the primary cook, shopper, cleaner, list maker, accountant and property manager for this house. When things arrived that I had to tend to, it was just too much. For chrissakes I lost control of details for a single day and I got a late fee on my credit card. It was due the 18th and mom died the 17th. I let things go FOR A DAY and I'm nearly $100 in the hole because of it. That hasn't happened since I was a poor young teacher. Another thing. Flowers also die - slowly; is that the message we want to remind the grieving of? I mean, seriously. It doesn't feel like we've thought this thing through!! I can tell you, it has not been enjoyable or comforting to change water, add food, cut stems, pick out dead stuff, and, watch these gorgeous bouquets shrivel and die stem by stem. From now on, I'm sending food. This is my solemn vow to my loved ones who may experience grief in the future: will make and bring you or send you food. The grieving need crocks of pulled pork, pans of enchiladas, lasagne, cheese plates, bagels and babkas! No one wants to cook while they're grieving, so more food, fewer flowers, from here on!
January 1, 2022
Oh, this is my favorite question. I love it when the PJ folks ask this because I am a firm believer that we set our own reality in terms of mood, that we choose what we want to focus on, and if we focus on the things that make us happy, it can really help us feel happy!. So many things made me happy, I can't keep it to just one: A colleague I really respect asked me to co-lead a writing group with her A friend asked if she could hire me to help push her book out into the world My daughter sent me three photos of her insanely adorable puppy My 21-year-old son agreed to the new safety rules we discussed, without a fight. I bought a new guitar that sounds beautiful. I wrote a few new songs on it. I had a birthday party on zoom (Last week) and 12 of my friends showed up! My family gathered by zoom for Thanksgiving and we played fun games A friend gave me super helpful feedback on a chapter I've written No one in my family tested positive for the virus Trump is on his way out. I reconnected with an old friend I have not talked to since seventh grade!!! My friends are all staying strong and healthy, reaching out to one another I got new bread making tools I finished a few writing projects. We celebrated my husband's birthday quietly, and he was really content with that. I made some very healthy lentil stew.
December 6, 2020