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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
When we all realized we had to wear masks, I developed an elaborate system of ordering my masks in a row and always taking from the right side, so that I could be sure that any mask I had been using had had at least five days to "dry" out and for any virus on it to shed. Now I'm down to a coat rack, masks thrown about, no order whatsoever. This is how I feel these days--completely scattered and without any sense of forward direction. It's true, we are coming out of winter, the vaccines are here, but the messiness of the vaccines is so depressing. My very progressive county, in an effort to be equitable, is holding back tons of vaccine until poor people and people of color can get them. Meanwhile tons of old people and teachers can't get them through the county and have to look elsewhere. At the same time, the governor (a republican) is sending a ton of vaccines to the pharmacies because they are less stringent about who they vaccinate. I find myself in the off position of actually supporting a Republican in this case. I have lost patience with people who are skeptical about the vaccines. If you don't want them, then just get out of the way and let other people have them. I feel like that is totally classist and racist of me, but I have friends over 65 who are going crazy trying to get vaccines. In this case, there really is scarcity. The rollout has been such a huge mess it's depressing. And meanwhile, my mother, like SO many other elderly people in care homes, is deteriorating emotionally from 12 fricking months of isolation and there's nothing my brothers and I can do about it. Part of me feels guilty for complaining because, hey--she's alive, she has food, she has medical care, at least she didn't die alone in an ICU, suffocating in her own lungs But then I think, oh Fuck that. I'm just angry and sad that this whole pandemic happened, that Chinese bureaucrats fucked this up, and Trump fucked it up, and the world fucked it up and it's still here and how many people have suffered and died. I've been trying to keep it together for my family and stay cheerful, but I don't know. I think I ran out of happy steam or happy juice or whatever it was motivating me to be up. I just want me and everyone else to be vaccinated and all the bickering everywhere to stop.
February 27, 2021
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
When I was an undergraduate I studied in West Berlin for my junior year. Prior to German reunification, families were separated by a wall – and were not allowed to travel in order to connect. I never thought I’d be in a similar situation. But you see, I live in Rhode Island and all my east-coast family all live across the border in Massachusetts, about 1 hour away. Mind you, a trip to Massachusetts is not really “traveling” for me – I can walk to Massachusetts from my house. I get fresh produce and other curb-side groceries in Massachusetts – neither of which is available at curbside anywhere near where I live. My employer is in Massachusetts, although for now I am working at home. Providence and surrounding Massachusetts (yes they surround us…) are in the same media market. We are really one community. Yet the governor of Massachusetts has issued a travel ban for Rhode Island. Being someone who is careful to follow the law, I wondered exactly what that meant… and wondered if I could go to my produce shop 1 mile over the border. Would I be able to see my family? At all? Or am I separated from them until the pandemic is over? Unable to find any details about this travel ban (other than the requirement for a 2-week quarantine or a negative COVID test within 72 hours, and a $500 per day fine for violators – does this make ANY sense for a brief day-trip?). I called the police department in the closest Massachusetts town for guidance. The officer who answered the phone was very nice, but equally unclear about what the travel ban actually meant. He said, “you know what, I live in Rhode Island…” (Ironic, but not surprising.) His advice was, short trips into Massachusetts is OK for shopping, and as long as you didn’t stay long, it was allowable, he thought. I asked, “So, it sounds like, as long as you don’t stay overnight, then it’s OK?” He thought that sounded right, but he remained somewhat unsure. (If the police don’t know the rules, how can the rest of us know?) Going to work, going for medical care, passing through the state to go elsewhere were also apparently OK. But what about seeing my family? I live alone – and am the only one in my family living in Rhode Island. Further, I am perhaps among the most careful people around – adhering to mask rules, never going into a building other than my house, not allowing others into my house – only meeting people when necessary at a distance outside, everyone with masks – and I work from home remotely. Yet, for my mental health, I need to see my family from time to time. I wonder - will I be spending Thanksgiving alone – instead of at a small outdoor gathering of my immediate family? That feeling tugs at my heart. Beyond sadness, the situation also makes me feel persecuted – much like those German people I recall from the cold war who yearned to see loved ones on the other side of the wall. And there is really nothing I can do about my situation as it is being imposed on me and the people of Rhode Island by a neighboring state in which we have no vote. I find tha it is increasingly difficult to keep my spirits up, and this does not help.
August 10, 2020