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Look it's my birthday! I turned 26 and am not a ditz I work hard as a teacher, coach, and student. I am kind, strong, empathetic and creative. Look it's my birthday! I know it is a little tilted I have a new vision of myself after 2020 I am caring, principled, knowledgeable, and a risk taker. Look it's my birthday! We are still in quarantine. I haven't been this sick since I was fourteen I am grateful, humble, hopeful and inspired. Look it's my birthday! I miss you grandmother, I know you passed away Only 6 days before my birthday. I miss hearing your voice, your song as you sing happy birthday My greatest gift of all is family this birthday. I sat in your chair, I took care of your dog, I look after your husband And I miss you most of all. On this birthday in the new year and there is a new me of sorts I thank everyone around me for getting this far Even though I no longer have healthcare I will continue to keep the memories of those I have lost with me. Look it's my birthday! I drove very far, the first time to grandparents house only 356 miles far I walked through the door holding back tears And hugged your daughter as she welcomed me into my new year.
January 20, 2021
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
I feel full of rage, sadness, and empty. My grandmother passed away from Covid. Words cannot begin to describe the amount of pain I feel from her sudden passing. Over the past three days, she is the tenth person who I have seen die from Covid. I just found out a few more close friends are hospitalized for Covid-19. It makes me wish I could have it so they could live. I actually did have it back in March 2020 but I was lucky, I only had a mild case and was able to move forward. I just feel angry at times. Angry at how people are taking this as a joke and it comes at the cost of human lives. It makes me wish that anyone who decides not to wear a mask in public can die from Covid-19 so that maybe the pain of their loss will slap some sense into those around them. The Christian in me says to forgive them, to not wish hatred and violence but love them. But my mind can't stop replaying me screaming at people or wishing them death for their ignorance. My friend told me, will this bring your grandmother back? No, but I just get so upset at the complexities of this pandemic. Why should I show compassion and care for White Nationalists who in the past have screamed the N word at me, have threatened myself as a queer woman of color, who have caused so much generational trauma. Part of me keeps thinking, why would I ever want to forgive someone who does nothing but spread hatred and pain? My religion may say one thing and yet my heart keeps aching from the reality I live in. I know I can forgive people over time but this has reached a new level of unacceptability. I almost wish we could have another Civil War since to be honest they never got over losing and it has been the sleeping giant awakened with a vengeance slowly stalking us like hazy nightmare. But once again, this would not solve the root of the issue. The real solution in my opinion is education, love, and empathy. We have to do better. What will be left of us after this otherwise?
January 13, 2021