Have gained weight and more signs of mental health symptoms from stress. Will cancel NYT subscription because too stressed to even reach list of articles in daily digital edition. Not worth the money. Will still receive free newsletters on specific topics. Not watching news At All. Too stressful. Even when read article supposed to be uplifting have immediate thoughts focusing on possible or real negative aspects of news. Friend sent me link to video showing snow leopard doing incredible acrobatics while playing with big ball in enclosure. Beautiful animal doing incredible physical movements but I only felt like crying because it was only alive and healthy because it was in zoo, imprisoned. News is always depressing. More and more mass shootings and bombings. More species of plants and animals vanishing because of loss of habitat and climate change. More Black deaths due to police fuckups or uncaring is firing up BLM movement again. Avoiding stress to defend my mental and physical health is sensible. But it does go to extremes and leaves me trapped in my home with few things to entertain or occupy me. Not much pleasure in my life right now. Aromatherapy is working. Strong scents of lilac, lavender and orange help me cope. I’m sleeping Much better even though I’m not exercising or going outside much. I want/need to start walking outside again. Using walking sticks/trekking poles is moving meditation for me. Very relaxing and enjoyable. I take photos like the one I uploaded. Very enjoyable to find subjects, take several photos of each, edit at home until find version I like best. Helps me feel good about myself and be aware there are beautiful things in the world close by to my home. I also enjoy meeting and briefly chatting with other walkers. I feel better after writing this.
April 26, 2021
I have found myself wondering if this pandemic will last more than another 12 months - could it be two years? How will that change our whole society? It feels like we are adrift as a society - Europe seems to have it under control. Australia has hardly been touched. Canada likewise is weathering this - and the cases have EXPLODED in most of the country. Our state, Connecticut, seems like a little raft in a sea of disease - and as the CNN folks said this evening, it can all come back. Learning that antibodies don't seem to last long was a hit as well. Our president is inept, the economy is reeling, and we have no idea how long this will reverberate. It is scary. But then, I just turn back to my own work, writing, gardening, sewing, cooking, cleaning, repainting rooms, doing zoom with friends, calling family ... watching an evening mystery series, reading, sleeping and then starting over again. It is a strange new world.
February 9, 2021