The biggest lessons I have learned are to slow down and notice…things oft ignored, walked over, stepped on, simply missed. And patterns are everywhere and in everything. The patterns of clouds blowing across the sky on a cloudy day, the patterns on a dragonfly’s wings, the veins in my husbands hands, the intricacies of a spiders web. The unseen patterns: of fear, of an unstructured day, a silent phone, a smile lost behind a mask. And the broken patterns… the empty calendar, the road as if falls apart, the church bell that rings but no one comes, the cancelled events, the comfort of a good solid hug. Slowing down and taking more notice has lead to appreciating the mundane more…slicing carrots and noticing the inside pattern radiating out, the stitches of the mending I’ve finally gotten to, watching a bee crawl into and out of a flower. My gratitude list grows daily.
March 7, 2022
I feel disconnected from myself and the world around me. This evening feels almost exactly the same as yesterday. Time seems to be moving fast as soon as the sun goes down, and not in a figurative way, but literally. I don't feel like myself, and I don't feel good. I'm fine in the morning and I have a lot of motivation then, but somewhere in the afternoon I slip and fall into a weird state. I don't feel present, I have a tiny headache right now (probably from eating too much sugar) but I just don't feel right and I don't feel like me. I've become disconnected from my happiness, and being in classes where the material is mostly serious and there's not much room for jokes or laughter doesn't help.
March 28, 2021