I’m feeling nervous. I think we’re getting mixed messages and am not sure what that means... some still won’t get vaccinated, but masks no longer needed, schools open, less restrictions on gathering...so I’m afraid everyone will think it’s over. And maybe it is...maybe It doesn’t matter to the vaccinated, maybe it doesn’t matter to the unvaccinated who will think they haven’t gotten it so far so won’t in the future. I’ve kind of liked my little cocoon, or bubble...it felt safe in the midst of crazy and fear and anger, and I’m not sure how much of that has lessened just because our illness rates are down, because I’m not so sure the “crazy” quotient is reducing. 5/17
May 17, 2021
I'm sure most people will say today's Inauguration. I'm so relieved that we arrived here without any further incidents of serious political violence since that horrible day two weeks ago. Though it is only 1PM at the time that I'm writing this. I've had such a hard time staying focused on normal life, on a hair trigger for some earthshattering breaking news. It's like a paranoia, like being in pitch-black, remote woods in the dead of night, knowing that something dangerous is out there, flinching at every snap of a twig. I'm so exhausted waiting for the next news story to send me into that two-part phase of shock, at first, and then the crash from the shock. I know I should focus on the day-to-day, because there's nothing I can really do about those kinds of news stories. Since March, I've felt braced for something terrible, and never really been able to fully detach and relax.
January 20, 2021