We are having a hard time getting back to a normal tech-life balance in our house. Screens have been such an exaggerated part of our lives for a long time now. With lockdowns and things being closed and playdates so infrequent, as well as digital school for a while, we've let technology like video games and Netflix take a larger role in our daily life than we normally would have. Everyone has just gotten used to that as the default entertainment option. It can be hard to even remember what we did all day during the summer before the pandemic. We are working on breaking bad habits like binge watching and cycling from 1 screen to another, but the number of hours we all find ourselves using tech is still pretty high. Especially on a rainy day like today.
July 15, 2021
I have a recurring dream. It's a nightmare. I see a tall bookshelf in our bedroom (it doesn't exist!) and on the top of the bookshelf there's a fragile vase. The vase is about to fall off the bookshelf and shatter. I wake up - and I wake myself up - with a gasp, a jump, and I'm out of the bed, rushing to the bookshelf that does not exist to catch the vase that is not falling. Sometimes I wake my husband with my loud gasp and my frantic movements. I'm then awake and terrified the rest of the night. Sometimes the dream has a different story - I hear a doorbell and must jump up out of bed to help someone - but it's the same feeling of anxiety, responsibility, and unrest. I know what this dream is about. I am struggling with the added pressures as a mom in this pandemic. I've always been the CEO of the family and my husband is the COO. He is fabulous; he does a LOT. But it's all stored in my head. Each of our kids has his own google calendar (since March) so I need to monitor these, plus my husband's work schedule, plus my own. It's exhausting. And terrifying. I'm always worried that I'm forgetting to do something or to tell one of my kids to be on a zoom. I've been on important calls and I've interrupted to call out to the other room, "Honey, can you please make sure our son is on his juggling camp zoom?" My head hurts. There's always more to do and nowhere to go. I'm ready to wake up from this global nightmare.
August 10, 2020