This week was Mom’s birthday. Though she’s no longer here I often feel her presence. I decided to celebrate with a quick round of “Happy Birthday to you...” and made a wish and blew out the candle as her proxy on the special day. I took this picture to share with my sister and to see how she might have marked the occasion. When I looked at the picture I was struck by the impermanence of our presence here on earth, and how many spirits may be with us, or not... the candle reflection is there, but not the shadow of the flame. Isn’t a shadow supposed to be one of life’s given? The constant threat of Covid, and the unknown seemed particularly poignant in that flame and missing shadow. It left me questioning all kinds of things like what’s real? Can you trust your eyes? Can you trust pictures? What else do we think should be a certain way and isn’t? How long will Covid last? When will I feel safe again! Will I ever feel safe again? And yet there’s an element of comfort here as well. That is that I can stand alone and burn brightly knowing she’s there, even though I can no longer “see” her. Maybe it’s the “shadow of doubt” that’s missing? Maybe it’s a sign she’s still with me? I hope all those who have lost loved ones may also see themselves burn bright without a shadow of doubt, and find comfort in the possibility they are still here and watching over us.
December 31, 2020
Este año, y los acontecimientos recientes, han cambiado por completo mi rutina y mi estado de ánimo. La manera en como me despierto, la comida de todos los días, los sonidos alrededor, y las mismas paredes que me rodean han sido parte de mi día a día y se ha convertido en algo por lo que me resulta difícil de manejar. De todas formas, establecer una nueva rutina que se adapte a mis nuevas oportunidades ha servido de gran ayuda para mantener mi mente ocupada e inquieta. Es importante que, ha pesar de hundirme en un agujero que no existe, siempre debo ver la luz al final del túnel.
October 14, 2020