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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
This week was Mom’s birthday. Though she’s no longer here I often feel her presence. I decided to celebrate with a quick round of “Happy Birthday to you...” and made a wish and blew out the candle as her proxy on the special day. I took this picture to share with my sister and to see how she might have marked the occasion. When I looked at the picture I was struck by the impermanence of our presence here on earth, and how many spirits may be with us, or not... the candle reflection is there, but not the shadow of the flame. Isn’t a shadow supposed to be one of life’s given? The constant threat of Covid, and the unknown seemed particularly poignant in that flame and missing shadow. It left me questioning all kinds of things like what’s real? Can you trust your eyes? Can you trust pictures? What else do we think should be a certain way and isn’t? How long will Covid last? When will I feel safe again! Will I ever feel safe again? And yet there’s an element of comfort here as well. That is that I can stand alone and burn brightly knowing she’s there, even though I can no longer “see” her. Maybe it’s the “shadow of doubt” that’s missing? Maybe it’s a sign she’s still with me? I hope all those who have lost loved ones may also see themselves burn bright without a shadow of doubt, and find comfort in the possibility they are still here and watching over us.
December 31, 2020
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How is the coronavirus pandemic affecting your life right now? Tell us about your experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
The pandemic has narrowed my focus. I seem to have lost the drive and purpose that fueled me beforehand. The loss of live worship services and the loss of our Care and Concern Director has left me feeling abandoned. How do you care for a congregation in a pandemic with no Director? How do you mobilize volunteers without one? There are times when the sense of loneliness is deeper. Nowhere to "hang out" now that the weather has turned cold, wet, and windy. More lockdowns seem to be in the forecast as the numbers keep climbing. I am tired of COVID precautions. It is this letting down the guard that spreads this latest wave. People are covid-fatigued, and want to be with family and friends. Beyond that, I have been utterly demoralized by the politicization of the pandemic. IT IS NOT A HOAX!! People are literally dying from attending funerals, weddings, and birthday parties. Political rallies and other mass events become super-spreaders because people are not taking Covid-19 seriously. It is "someone else's" problem. I am anxious about Election Day and the prospect of voter harassment. I don't understand why police are still killing African Americans at the rate they do. The pandemic has made my job doubly difficult! There is too much to do virtually that takes three times as long as when we could do it in person. So many more people are in danger of foreclosure or eviction. Some of the people that call me haven't worked in 5-6 months. I can see the handwriting on the wall. Once they get back to work, we will have another lockdown. Then there will truly be a homeless population close in scale to the refugees. I am NOT ready for the Fall Back off of Daylight Savings Time. In a meeting, someone shared that we need to revive our dreams. Sleep is an issue, even with medication. Fatigue comes with listening to other people's struggles. I am planning a better garden next season. More greens, root vegetables (beets, turnips, rutabagas) more herbs, and a Three Sisters' Garden with Popcorn, Cherokee Trail of Tears beans, and Kuri Squash.
October 25, 2020