I’m feeling nervous. I think we’re getting mixed messages and am not sure what that means... some still won’t get vaccinated, but masks no longer needed, schools open, less restrictions on gathering...so I’m afraid everyone will think it’s over. And maybe it is...maybe It doesn’t matter to the vaccinated, maybe it doesn’t matter to the unvaccinated who will think they haven’t gotten it so far so won’t in the future. I’ve kind of liked my little cocoon, or bubble...it felt safe in the midst of crazy and fear and anger, and I’m not sure how much of that has lessened just because our illness rates are down, because I’m not so sure the “crazy” quotient is reducing. 5/17
May 17, 2021
I have felt very lonely and insecure since returning home to living alone in my one-bedroom apartment after spending Thanksgiving through New Year's with family. I try to dive head-first into my work (working remotely for an archival project and my dissertation), and that does help. I've been scheduling Zoom hangouts with friends on most days. I have a very close friend in my PhD program who has been living with family for six months and is about to go back to living alone. I worry for her, but at the same time, it helps make me feel less alone that she's in the same situation. Honestly, the first six months of all of this, working from home, never leaving my apartment, never seeing anyone, really wasn't that bad. But I hit my limit, sometime around August or September. I became incredibly depressed. I just can't do this forever. Even though I'm not going to take risks, I honestly understand and empathize with the people who have lost it and can't take the isolation anymore. I am receiving an at-home test from my workplace so I can go back to working in the office a couple days a week, everyone staggered so we're only with one or two other people at a time. I am looking forward to spending time on site, but at the same time, it's incredibly lonely there with the staggered schedule.
January 7, 2021